I am not the greatest writer but I read pretty good. This opening sentence is difficult to understand and too long.
Opening sentence:
"The right hand of a Curry College junior killed late Friday night in a car prosecutors said a friend was driving drunk on their way home from a wedding still had “a tight grip” on the passenger door handle when first responders found her, according to a report of the fatal crash released this afternoon."
Easier to read and to understand.
A Curry College junior was killed late Friday night in a car prosecutors said a friend was driving on their way home from a wedding. The dead student's hand still had “a tight grip” on the passenger door handle when first responders found her, according to a report of the fatal crash released this afternoon."
http://bostonherald.com/news_opinion/local_coverage/2013/05/500000_bail_set_in_curry_student_death_case
$500,000 bail set in Curry student death case
Monday, May 13, 2013
Boston Herald
By: Laurel J. Sweet
No comments:
Post a Comment