Summers Returns to Harvard and Cambridge

Letter from Ian McKinnon, Playwright, Cambridge MA.

Are you ready for the world’s smartest man to return to Cambridge? The former president of Harvard, Larry Summers, is coming back to the world’s greatest campus after having saved the world from that unfortunate economic crisis of a few years back. Yes, it’s finally time! Despite his hard work for President Obama, Mr. Summers managed to find time to star in the blockbuster movie 'Inside Job.' He also rocked ‘The Social Network’ with a brief cameo that blew Justin Timberlake and Jesse Eisenberg off the screen! He’s coming back to teach at Harvard’s Kennedy School, where he’ll also head a new institute for Business and Government. Wait-- Business and Government? Why haven’t we thought of that before? Probably because we’re a bit slower than he is.

Remember when, as Clinton’s Secretary of the Treasury, he hammered that crazy woman who thought we should try to regulate derivatives? He got his friends in Congress to get her fired—that’s how crazy she was. Later, she tried to blame the ’08 economic collapse on those unregulated derivatives! She still doesn’t get it: this is a free market society--not some socialist eden!

Let’s help his new institute catch fire and lead us into a new, prosperous American century for all! Start making inspiring stencils of Larry’s famous sayings and put them all over Harvard Square! You know, like the one about women being not that good at science. OK, maybe he was a little off—who can deny they’re good at the science of cooking? However, by bravely calling things as he sees them, he started a conversation that continues to this day.

When you find out about an event that his new institute is putting on, make your own posters to enhance the special evenings that are sure to come. Proposed for the spring is a special naming ceremony for that hole in Allston where a new campus should’ve been. It’s a shame about Harvard’s endowment going bust, but Larry’s investment strategies had nothing to do with it. Surely, our government will help Harvard-in-Allston out next time around—nothing puts life into a city block like a life sciences center!

Remember how much the undergrads of Harvard loved Larry, while the teachers were convinced he was a jerk? Also being proposed for Larry’s homecoming is a new musical, written from the point of view of a Harvard sophmore during the Clinton/Bush era. Sample lyric:
“He served me ice cream in the yard, I want to join his palace guard.
I’m into banking—I’ll work hard. Maybe I can be his bard!”

If you want to join our homecoming committee, respond to this email.
We’ve got to ‘think Larry’ to thank Larry! Now put your thinking caps on!