IF MEN RULED THE WORLD: TOP 26 LIST

1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call
to her real number.

2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to
"I love you."

3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd
appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your
choice.

6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

7. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable
excuse for tardiness.

8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your
window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like
Fred Flintstone.

9. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets,
and go pillage a nearby town.

10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with
would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one.
That's $10 off."

11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

12. Garbage would take itself out.

13. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be
with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in
leap years.

17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go
drinking. Mother's Day, too.

18. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be
celebrated every month.

19. �COPS� would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the
pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

20. The only show opposite �Monday Night Football� would be "Monday Night
Football from a Different Camera Angle".

21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like whiskey and
beer.

22. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or short shorts
(sorta like conceal carry laws).

23. Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka.

24. Gun racks would be standard on all American cars.

25. There would be a device that automatically raised and lowered toilet seats.

26. 2006 Cloning Act:"Only Jessica Alba may be cloned."