New Jersey Driver's Guide

From: The Garden State/Dept. of Transportation

Seriously, there are only two things needed to drive effectively in NJ:
A horn and a middle finger. Everything else is superfluous,including
knowing where you are going.
For those of you who live in Jersey or have lived there, these things may
come as no surprise. For those who haven't traveled there before, Beware,
Be Prepared and Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid.

I'm Not Saying, I'm just saying!

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Nork - rhymes
with Fork, not New-ark. Also, Trenton is not pronounced Tren-ton it is
Trent-in. Passaic is not pronounced Puh-say-ic, it is Passake.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour is
from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph.
On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered Sissy." (Just
ask the former Governor of NJ)

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go
first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second;
However, in Monmouth and Burlington counties, SUV-driving,
cellphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed
out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. EVER! Seriously. It's another offense that can
get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey.
Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the
middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks,dogs, cats,
barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers,
shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the homeless
feeding on any of these items.

9. MapQuest does NOT work here - none of the roads are where they say
they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are
moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

10. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone,
you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If
you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time - just leave Monday afternoon for
Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right
after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

SAFE DRIVING!!




We the people are the rightful masters of both the Congress and the Courts
- not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow men who pervert the
Constitution.

Abraham Lincoln