Muslim Union Strike Threatened

Al Qa'eeda to go on strike

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day
strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled
to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to
produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the
number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by
25% this April from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase
in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of
virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of
Occupational Martyrs (orB.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable
to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary
Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to
death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like
this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which
he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We
sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position
to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-
day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is
now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice
between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages
but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow
themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle , Middlesbrough, Essex
and Australia stated that they would be unaffected as there are no virgins in
these areas anyway.

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been
largely put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now
that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to
paradise.