Are We Losing The Word Schmuck?????

Can you believe we might lose "SCHMUCK"?

NEW YORK-Saying he could no longer stand idly by while a vital part of American culture is lost forever, activist and Broadway producer Mel Brooks has founded a private nonprofit organization dedicated to preserving the word "schmuck."

An emotional Brooks stopped short of kvetching at a schmuck fundraiser Monday.

"Schmuck is dying," a sober Brooks said during a 2,000-person rally held in his hometown of Williamsburg, Brooklyn Monday. "For many of us, saying 'schmuck' is a way of life. Yet when I walk down the street and see people behaving in foolish, pathetic, or otherwise schmucky ways, I hear only the words 'prick' and 'douche bag.' I just shake my head and think, 'I don't want to live in a world like this.'"

The nonprofit, Schmucks For Schmuck, has compiled schmuck-related data from the past 80 years and conducted its own independent research on contemporary "schmuck" usage. According to Brooks, the statistics are frightening: Utterances of the word "schmuck" have declined every year since its peak in 1951, and in 2006, the word was spoken a mere 28 times-17 of these times by Brooks himself. The study indicates that today, when faced with a situation in which one can use a targeted or self-deprecating insult to convey a general feeling of disgust, people are 50 times more likely to use the word "jerk" than "schmuck," 100 times more likely to use "dick," and 15,000 times more likely to use "f******g a**shole."

Perhaps more startling, only 23 percent of men know what schmuck means, and only 1.2 percent of these men are under the age of 78. If such trends continue, Brooks estimates that by 2015, such lesser-used terms as "imbecile," "dummy," "schlub," and "contemptible ne'er-do-well" will all surpass schmuck, which is projected to completely disappear by the year 2020 or whenever Brooks dies.

"We must save this word!" Brooks said to thunderous applause as those in attendance began chanting "Schmuck! Schmuck! Schmuck!" "How will we be able to charmingly describe someone who acts in an inappropriate manner? Especially given the tragic loss of the word 'schmegeggie' in 2001. So I urge you: Tonight, when you get home, please, call up your family, your friends, your loved ones, and tell them they're a bunch of schmucks."

Hundreds turned out at a Boca Raton, FL demonstration to show their support for the dying word.

"I've never told anyone this before," Brooks added, choking back tears, "but my father was a schmuck."

The foundation has already raised more than $20 million, thanks to donations from supporters such as Jackie Mason, Albert Brooks, the Schtupp Institute, Sen. Russ Feingold (D-WI), and the Henny Youngman Endowment for the Preservation of Schmekel. The money will go toward projects aimed at reintegrating "schmuck" into the English lexicon, including billboards and flyers plastered with the word "schmuck," the upcoming 5K Schlep for Schmuck Awareness, and a new Mel Brooks film.

"The world cannot afford to lose this valuable and versatile word," Brooks told reporters during a charity auction in Manhattan's Upper West Side Tuesday, where attendees bid for the chance to have a private lunch with Brooks and repeatedly call him a schmuck. "You can be a poor schmuck, a lazy schmuck, a dumb schmuck, or just a plain old schmuck. A group of people can be collectively referred to as schmucks. You can call someone a schmuck, and you can be called a schmuck. You can even call yourself a schmuck." Plus, it's just so fun to say, Brooks added. "Schmuck."

Many of the foundation's volunteers say they share Brooks' passion for the word "schmuck," as well as his outrage that it is slowly disappearing from everyday use. They claim that if they do not act now, the trend could create a snowball effect.

"Today it's schmuck, tomorrow it might be toochis," said SFS volunteer Harry Steinbergman, 82. "What's next, schlemiel? Putz? Schlimazel?"

Steinbergman went on to classify this scenario as farcockteh.

It's scary. In the future, how will someone get my attention?

Fly In The Coffee

WHEN A FLY FALLS INTO A CUP OF COFFEE....

The Italian - throws the cup against the wall, breaks it and walks away in a fit of rage!

The German - carefully washes the cup, sterilizes it and makes a new cup of coffee.

The Frenchman - takes out the fly and drinks the coffee.

The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

The Russian - drinks the coffee with the fly, since it came with no extra charge.

The Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, sells the fly to the Chinese, sells the cup to the Italian, drinks a cup of tea and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

Meanwhile, the Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling into his coffee, protests the act to the UN as an act of aggression, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, Frenchman, Chinese, German and Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give his cup of tea to the Palestinian!

Elderly Confession

An elderly man walks into a confessional. He tells the Priest:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children,
grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college
girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them
three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old; I'm telling everybody!'

Jews Really Do Run The World

http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jdunetz/2010/07/29/oliver-stone-is-right-maybe-its-time-for-jews-to-fess-up/

Oliver Stone is Right…Maybe it’s Time For Jews to Fess Up
by Jeff Dunetz
July 29, 2010

Things I Didn't Learn In Hebrew School

1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
3. No meal is complete without leftovers.
4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
5. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing
6. You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.
7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
8. After the destruction of the Second temple, God created Nordstroms.
9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
10. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.
11. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
13. Spring ahead; fall back - winters in Boca.
14. WASP's leave and never say good-bye; Jews say good-bye and never leave.
15. Always whisper the names of diseases.
16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended
18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida .


SIGNS ON SYNAGOGUE BULLETIN BOARDS

1. Under same management for over 5763 years
2. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
3. What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?
4. Shul committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting
5. Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew University:

"The future of the Jewish people is in your hands."

More Jewish Stuff
1. My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty.
They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.
2. Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders pastrami on white bread with mayo,
somewhere a Jew dies.
3. It was mealtime during a flight on El Al.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" Moshe asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
4. An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital.
A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr.Gevarter, are you comfortable?"
Gevarter replies, "I make a living....?
5. A rabbi was opening his mail one morning.
Taking a singlesheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck.
"At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced,
"I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their names,
but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name...and forgot to write a letter.
6. Three Jewish women get together for lunch.
As they are being seated in the restaurant,
one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy."
The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy".
The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently,
"Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our children."
7. A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks,
"Is anything alright ? "