The Golf War

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods Play Golf

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar...
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.."
Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"
Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."
Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
But, "how do you putt" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."
Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"
Stevie says, "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"
Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."

Blind, Deaf Love

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for
her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed
was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants,
concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed
his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed
took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for
their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you.
I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next
stage.

So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing
question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read
about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf.
If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a
problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being
totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years
I've been a hooker."

"Oh wow! I see," Ed replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a
moment. Deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's probably
because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.

Golf Rule Changes


Obama's Golf Czar has announced there is a possibility of MAJOR rule
changes to the game of golf, this may occur sometime after March 1, 2010.
This is only a preview as the complete rule book is being rewritten now.
Here are a few basic changes:

Golfers with handicaps:
- below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
- between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
- above 18 will get a check each time they play.

The dollar amount placed in bets will be as follows-for handicaps below 10, an additional $10.
-between 11 and 18, no additional amount.-above 18, you will receive the total amount in the pot even if you
do not play.

The term "gimme" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows:
-handicaps below 10, no entitlements.-handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
-handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.
In addition, a Player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six
pars in any given round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players
who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have
received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par,
can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes
but the term 'net score' will be available only for scoring those players with
handicaps of 18 and above.

This is intended to 'redistribute' the success of winning by making
sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will
post only 'net score' against every other player's gross score.
These new Rules are intended to CHANGE the game of golf..


Golf must be about Fairness. It should have nothing to do with Ability.

Spreading the Golf Wealth


This is a matter for the White House. It is about spreading the wealth, a Presidential priority issue. A billionaire Fat Cat athlete is exploiting a lonely immigrant. If Harvard Lawyer Review President, and Nobel Prize winner Obama can interfere in the most famous disorderly conduct arrest in the history of the world in Cambridge MA, he can surely speak out about an automobile accident with a personal injury and property damage. If he can speak out regarding the election of the New York State Governor, he can speak out about impaired driving. Help us solve this golfing scandal, Mr President.

http://www.thecrimson.com/article/2009/12/9/tiger-woods-public-golf/

Tiger Trap
Woods’s recent scandal demonstrates the flip side of life in the public eye
By Marcel E. Moran,
HARVARD CRIMSON STAFF WRITER
Published: Wednesday, December 09, 2009