Save the Rodents (Satire)

Save the Rodents (Satire)

In July 1690 the City Council passed a clearly worded order banning rodents
from the City. It is shameful that these illiterate vermin refuse to obey the
lawful orders of the City Council. (Matt Dunning, "Neighbors: Rats still
plaguing city," Cambridge Chronicle, Jul 20, 2007) The rodent population acts
like the City Manager, as if they are not obligated to obey City Council orders.
Ordinary citizens and visitors often intentionally leave food on the
sidewalks to feed these hated four-leggers with tails. Sympathy for the underdog
is widespread in Cambridge as a sanctuary City. "It is law," said one visitor
who did not want to give her name. "I always try to leave something for them.
When they get hungry so they won't have to go dumpster diving for food," she
added.
A Berklee College musician asked, "If Cambridge is a sanctuary city for
illegal aliens why not for rodents too?"
A Harvard student who volunteers for PETA demanded equal rights for
rodents. "We have a chapter of All Creatures Deserve to Live in Peace (ACDLIP),
at Phillips Brooks House," he added.
Mary Ratanovsky who ran for City Councilor in 1907 asked, "Why are they
picking on rodents? Rodents volunteer for medical research experiments so that
our lives are improved. We should show some appreciation for their sacrifices."
The Board of Directors for Biodgenuflect Industries issued a one-page
single spaced statement defending the rights of rodents to live in peace. "The
safe passage and asylum guaranteed to illegal aliens by the City Manager must be
extended to rodents. Without the ample supply of free roaming rodents that we
need for research, we would move to Silicon Valley. Gov. Deval "Cadillac"
Patrick promised us free and easy access to rodents. It is the primary reason
why we settled in Cambridge" the statement said.
The City Manager had no comment. Quoc Tran issued a statement saying that
the Human Rights Commission and the Police Review Board are taking the matter
under consideration. He said was speaking as a private citizen.
Eight City Councilors did not return calls asking for their opinions. Craig
Kelley demanded more data from the police and Inspectional Services in digital
format. "How can we make decisions about rodents without easily readable data,"
he asked? "This is not a problem in North Cambridge where I live," Kelley added.
He revealed that his sons and his wife collect rodents that they see and deliver
them by bicycle to the Biotech companies in Kendall Square for their research.

Roy Bercaw, Editor ENOUGH ROOM

Neighbors: Rats still plaguing city
By Matt Dunning/Chronicle Staff
Cambridge Chronicle
Fri Jul 20, 2007, 03:09 PM EDT

Cambridge -

Tenacious rats are still plaguing the city, but officials say they feel they�re
making progress in the city�s ongoing battle against renegade rodents.

When the Chronicle last spoke with Area 4 resident Beth Thomas in February,
rodents had been nesting in her car.

As recently as last week, Thomas said the four-legged fiends were at it again,
making themselves at home in her engine and snacking on her electrical wires.

�It�s still an ongoing thing,� Thomas said. �Sooner or later, something�s going
to have to give with these rats. I went to get my car serviced last week, and
when we lifted up the hood, there were two of them playing under there.�

Thomas, who lives in the Newtowne Court housing project, said while the problem
in Area 4 has gotten better in the last 12 months, city officials could still be
doing more to ward off the rats.

�The city could be a little more aggressive,� Thomas said. �It�s frustrating.
It�s not as bad as it used to be, but they�re still out there. I�m constantly
calling [the city�s Inspectional Services Department].�

Elm Street resident Renea Fontanez said she�s afraid to walk the street with her
daughter.

�I can�t even take my 5-year-old to ride her bike,� Fontanez said. �She�s so
afraid to even live here. These things are running wild.�

City officials are painting a much rosier picture. John Fallon, the assistant
Inspectional Services Department commissioner, said the rat problem in Cambridge
has been significantly improved over the course of the last year.

�We feel like we�re doing a good job,� Fallon said. �We�re not getting as many
calls as we had been getting a year ago.�

According to Fallon, his department fields four to six calls a week from
residents reporting rat sightings, down by about a call per week from the
department�s average from a year ago.

�I think public education is a big piece of it,� Fallon said. �The messages that
we send out, I think it�s making a difference.�

Still, Fallon admitted that Area 4, more than any other neighborhood in
Cambridge, is still besieged by a sizeable rat population.

�If there�s one area of the city that�s stronger than others, it�s Area 4,�
Fallon said. �I couldn�t really tell you why.�

Part of the city�s effort to thin its rat population has been to impose a fine
for uncovered garbage cans. Department of Public Works Commissioner Lisa
Peterson said she hopes to have the City Council toughen the garbage ordinance
later this month. Currently, the fine is a mere $25 for uncovered trashcans or
open dumpsters. Currently, no matter how many times a property owner is fined,
the penalty never escalates, according to Peterson.

�One of the recommendations we�re making is to have the ordinance amended so the
fine can go up to $300,� Peterson said.

Peterson said she hoped the City Council would vote on the amendment at its July
30 meeting, �but it might not get in front of them until September.

In them meantime, residents can call the city Inspectional Services Department�s
hotline at 617-349-4899.